i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
