Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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