:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
