all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
