I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
