How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Vodka?
Forever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
