I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
