I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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