Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
