i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
