you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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