too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
