We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
