Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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