I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
