she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize