At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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