we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
