I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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