Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
