i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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