I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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