you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize