I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
