i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
