im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
