I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
