Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I will die if light touches me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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