C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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