I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
