Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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