Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
honey bunches of taint.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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