I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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