i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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