I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
