The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
