I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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