You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
