Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
