im gay
i know
yea but for you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
