Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
