Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
