the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize