Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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