In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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