i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
