absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
