It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
wow bdsm is so cute
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