My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
