I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize