All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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