Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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