ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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