I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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