If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
