my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
