his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
