Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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