I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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