This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
