She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
