apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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