Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
