Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
