i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
