I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
