i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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