Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize