If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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