Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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