I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
as a side note pls kill me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize